Azerkainen

Yes...I can appreciate it when a redneck makes fun of my own state


Jeff Foxworthy on Ohio

All I have to say is "Go Bucks!"

You might be from Ohio (pronounced O-hi-uh) if:

You think all Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange!

You know all the 4 seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter and construction.

You live less than 30 miles from some college or university.

You know what a buckeye really is, and have a recipe for candied ones.

"Toward the lake" means "north" and "toward the river" means "south."
You know if other Ohioans are from southern ornorthern Ohio as soon as they open their mouths.

You can spell words like Cuyahoga, Olentangy, Bellefontaine, Tuscarawas, Wapakoneta and you know which letter is doubled in Cincinnati !

"Vacation!" means spending a day at Cedar Point in the summer and deer hunting in the fall.

You measure distance in minutes.

Your school classes were cancelled because of cold.

Your school classes were cancelled because of heat.

You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You know what should be knee-high by the Fourth of July.

You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. For example: "Where's my coat at?"

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You think of the four major food groups as corn, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

You carry jumper cables in your car.
You know what 'pop' is.
!

You design your kid's Halloweencostume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. (Amen!)

You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page; but requires six pages for sports.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

1.) If a female NPC offers to aid you...
Women NPCs are never to be trusted in any role-playing game. DMs think that by introducing a woman to the party, they'll lower their guard and be prime targets for a betrayal down the road. Any woman that volunteers to help is almost certainly evil and will betray you at a the worst opportunity.

2.) If a female NPC is attracted to you...
If a woman is sexually attracted to you...she is a succubus. Always. Regardless of your charisma score, any woman NPC that displays an interest in your character sexually, wants to kill you and suck your life force. Accept the fact now that you will never get laid by any NPC and youll live alot longer.

3.) If while on watch the DM describes ANYTHING happening...
YOU are about to get jumped like crazy from all sides. If the first words out of his mouth aren't "your watch passes uneventfully" immediately run around kicking everyone in the party brandishing your weapon. Even if he says all you need to do is relieve yourself! And make sure someone with infravision is along to help you aim.

4.) If you ever have to travel on the ocean or sea...
Get ready for a whupping. DMs never get to use all the nautical monsters in the book and they pray every day that they can con you onto a boat so they can hit you with them. Travelling on water adds an entirely new dimension to their options as far as directions of attack. They love to eat this stuff up.

5.) if you have to travel by river...
You will be attacked by lizardmen. Lizardmen ambushing parties who are rafting down a river is as old as D&D itself. Lizardmen have the innate ability to smell PCs and rafts from a hundred miles away and they hate it.

6.) Speaking of bodies of water...
If the DM remarks on any pool of water, of any kind, something is about to fly out of it and kill you. DMs never remark on a pool of water unless they want you to wade in and search it for treasure. There usually is treasure but it'll cost you lives or hitpoints. If the DM says the pool is full of stagnant water, run away quickly and torch the room. Its the only way to be sure.

7.) Beware of Mist (this one is sooooo true)...
If the DM ever says the word "mist" you're going to Ravenloft. A DM will never say that word unless your about to get slapped by Strahd Von Zarovich. Ever. (but never EVER groan and say "OH no Ravenloft" because the DM always thinks that he was really clever in setting all this up. If you blow his moment he'll splatter you before you can say "Lord Soth dose HOW much damage?")

8.) If a major villain flees from combat...
He's getting away. Just let it go. Get used to recurring villans in your games. DMs will move heaven and earth to make sure his favored NPCs get away and the more you resist the process the more frustrated you'll both get. Trust me, he's getting away. Take it with a smile and believe it or not your DM will reward you. Try to kill a major villan before his time and you will suffer.

9.) If a major villian is talking...
Let the man finish. Youll think its really cute to just attack him immediately while he's delivering his maniacal monologues but you must realize that thes trying to be cinematic and add a little drama to the game. If you interrupt a villain's speech you just succeeded in pissing the DM off which is never a good thing. The DM always lets you finish with your heroic speech junk. Let the villian blabber. A little witty exchange is good for everyone and youll still whup him.

10.) If the DM introduces his own PC into the game...
That character is immortal and must not be trifled with. You're better off quitting the game immediately because DMs who introduce their own characters into a game are typically in love with their own greatness and the game will be centered around their own PC doing all the heroic stuff whyle you shine his boots and take down the flunkies (I've seen many examples of this one not being so true.)

Here's a fun D&D quiz that I got sent a while ago. It determines your race, alignment, and character class.

Enjoy...and if you don't mind...share your results!

http://fantasyherald.com/quiz/dand/index.php

Jennifer was nice enough to keep me company when I visited my Dad this past Sunday. I really appreciated her taking the time away from her studies for that trip.

I might tell everyone why that's important someday, but not yet, it was though.

Dad: "Well, are you knocked up yet?"
Jennifer: "No!"

Of course my Dad wanted the answer to be yes...but I don't think Jennifer is ready for me to impregnate her just yet...still it was hilarious to see the expression on her face. I guess I should've warned her about him, *chuckle*.

Its been an eventful week.

Wednesday night at 1:30 a.m. - 2:00 a.m. I was awakened by what I thought was my alarm clock going off.

It was the first good night of sleep that I had gotten in a few days, since I had been sick and was having trouble sleeping.

Groaning, I rolled over to turn off what I thought was the alarm clock. Except, as I awakened and became more aware of my surroundings, I noticed that the sounds were distinctly different. It was in fact the smoke alarm going off downstairs.

At this point I was only mildly concerned, since Josh (my alcoholic roommate who thinks he is pirate) routinely burns things while he is cooking.

Then, I hear Josh charging around the house, up the stairs, and in the hallway outside my door screaming..."fire, Fire, there's a fire!"

Jennifer wakes up fully at this point and jumps into action...(that girl amazes me)

In less than 45 seconds she had every single thing that she had ever brought to my house packed and grabbed in her book bag. Mind you, she had papers strewn out all over the floor when we had went to bed...EVERYTHING...45 seconds....she was halfway out of the house...screaming at me to hurry my ass up

I had to dial 911 with my cell...which took about 30 seconds...I took another 30 seconds or more to pick out the pair of pants, shirt, and jacket I wanted to face my death in...

I completely neglected getting my wallet, keys, or even the cell phone that I had just used during my escape...

props to Jen for waiting on the landing (cussing me the whole time for taking so long, example: "I can't believe I'm gonna die for your ass...hurry up!!!)

During this time Josh opened Nancy's door, letting a whole load of oxygen in the room, at which point we heard a loud sound. We thought it might be the ceiling collapsing. We couldn't see in Nancy's room at all, we had no idea how bad it was in there.

My room was amazingly clear of smoke...while the rest of the house was full of the stuff.

I am so thankful that she shut her door that day, so that the fire only had as much oxygen as there was in that room to chow on. I'm also thankful that I sealed my room off from the ventilation system months ago, otherwise my room would have been filled with smoke.

Jen and I got out safely...we only inhaled a little smoke...nothing that required medical attention.

We got outside just in time to see my roommate Nancy's room where the fire had started...go up in full blaze. The entire room, which is RIGHT NEXT to mine ignited.

While we were waiting for the fire department to come, Jen, Josh, and I just kept watching the fire get worse and worse.

the fire trucks finally got there...it really didn't take long...maybe 3-5 minutes. Josh was drunk and started cussing at them to hurry up and get the fire out (he's always drunk at night, I think its the only way he can get to sleep at night, passing out).

Jennifer and I watched on as the firemen made quick work of the blaze. They had it completely under control quickly (maybe 10 minutes or so).

At this point we thought Nancy was dead. Josh tried her cell phone to see if he could get a hold of her, he did. She was out at the bar near our house.

Nancy rolls over, and I swear she was on some kind of drugs, she had not just been drinking alcohol...she was majorly fucked up. Which had the result of pissing me off all that much more.

THE CAUSE OF THE FIRE:
Nancy says that she left a candle burning in a glass globe. She never thought that it would cause a problem. WTF? are you kidding me...read the label! Jennifer, Josh, and I could have died because of that choice!

The arson investigators/detectives questioned Jennifer and I about the Relationship between Nancy and Josh. They seemed to be leaning towards a cigarete being put out on the bed. It sounded like they thought he might have set the fire.

Anyhow we waited a long time before we could go back inside...when I could get back inside, I went in and packed a duffle bag of stuff. I also grabbed the wallet, keys, and cell phone that I had forgotten.

After that, the Red Cross came by and hooked Jen and I up with a room at the Holiday Inn for the rest of the night. it was already 4:30 a.m., we were beat.

The important thing is that everyone made it out okay.

Thursday night I came back and packed up as much stuff as I could...my mom, brother, nephew, and sister in law came up to help me get stuff out. Jennifer came over and got some stuff too.

Two nights at the Holiday Inn so far and last night Jennifer was kind enought to let me crash on her settee (a very small couch), which look comical.

I'm not sure yet if I want to stay at the house...all I can think about is getting as much out as possible while they are making repairs. Which, is going to end up meaning everything, that way I don't have to go back unless I want to.

Orlando, a friend of mine, offered me a place to crash for a while, so did Jason and several other people. This situation has made me realize how many great friends I have. Hope even came over at my request and took a bunch of photos of the house for me...

This rant stems from something I was going to blog about a while back, but I haven't had the time...

check out hope's rant http://hopemoore.com/archives/000632.html for some background.

We were sitting there watching people get on and off the elevators in Nestor Hall while hanging out

-----------------------------

The elevators are literally 20 feet from the stairs...big stairs...four people wide...easily

Why are people so averse to taking the stairs? I saw people wait ten friggin minutes on an elevator! Dude/Dudette you could have been to class by now, what gives? Nestor Hall is only five stories high!

Classes are only held on the first three floors! I can't believe people who are perfectly capable of walking up stairs will not take them. My friend Hope, who I might add, actually needs the elevator cannot use it because a bunch of people who can and should be using their lazy ass legs won't!

Maybe I don't understand...wait, I don't understand...why can't these punks use the stairs?

I think the root of this problem comes from people being so damn lazy nowadays. People are used to remotes and putting forth as little effort as possible for maximum result.

I never understood the mentality that went along with asking someone to get you something out of the fridge when they were in equal distance. That friend/spouse/significant other could easily get off their lazy ass and get it themselves...but they don't...why?

The same mentality that leads people to ask someone else to get their beverage from the fridge also leads them to stand waiting for an elevator for 10 minutes to take them up ONE flight of stairs!

We must crush these people...destroy them all...muhahaha

Alright, at least, maybe rant about them and make fun of them while they wait for their precious elevator

;)

This weekend I worked at the Columbus Museum of Art, volunteering in their Palette Cafe.

I've done this the past several weeks on Saturday's and Sunday's. I consider it an exercise in dealing with people that I oftentimes can't stand (the customers). The people I work with there are very cool, and they give me food before I leave. :)

Here's a little background on my job duties:
take orders and give them to the cooks in back
bus tables.

Annoyance #1: Customers who approach and are not ready to order...
Don't 20 minutes to decide, it isn't that hard, is it? Don't get in line and ask me what I would get if you're just gonna turn around and get something else...RAAARGH!

Annoyance #2: Customers who want to know every single ingredient in a dish...
Look holmes, it's a friggin salad, figure it out...UGGGH!

Annoyance #3: Rich people eat like cold whack mo fo ziggan pigs...
I've been to McDonald's in the worst ghettos where people left very little to no mess after they were done eating. These oinkers make messes that I never even believed were possible while only eating half of their food...

Annoyance #4: People getting smart with me
Look punk, I'm a volunteer and I'm about to bust a cap in your ass for thinking that you can get all lippy with me...I'm not paid to be polite...guess what...I'm not gonna be unless you're polite to me...surprised...take that punk bitch...wanna complain to my boss...I don't have one...what are they gonna do...fire me....nope....they ask me to come back next weekend and help...take that!

So, anyway...there are plenty of other examples...not everyone is bad, actually a good bit of them are nice.

A husband and wife came in with a picnic basket and asked me if I minded that they eat in there with their three kids...

My response: "Not at all, please have a seat and let me know if there is anything I can get for you." They acted like they were imposing on me, they weren't, the rich rude mo fo's were though. I did everything I could to make sure that family felt welcome, even though they weren't spending any money in the Palette. It would have cost them $50 or more to feed all of them if they hadn't brought a lunch with them, I understand they're a family, who probably aren't able to throw down that amount of money. Their kids still deserve to be able to visit the museum.

Alright, here's a nice non-philosophical post...it is possible for me

Find out what your vampire name is:

http://www.emmadavies.net/vampire/

mine is:

The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Milosh Mare

Known in some parts of the world as:
Consort of Wraiths

The Great Archives Record:
A needy and violent spirit.


Jennifer's:

The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Giselle Papillon

Known in some parts of the world as:
Hero of The Banat

The Great Archives Record:
A true child of the night, making merry of everything and light of life.


Enjoy...